Hello all,

This week’s newsletter is form a guest writer: Tyler Wilson.

About Tyler: a fourth-year med student, lifelong athlete, and future family doctor with a passion for Sports Medicine. He dominated every sport he touched—from NCAA basketball courts to track fields & football stadiums. He also still finds time to coach youth basketball.

Tyler brings a sharp perspective on health, performance, and lifestyle… though he might try to convince you that being a die-hard Philadelphia Eagles fan is a virtue (its not: Go Chiefs!)

We’ve all heard the classic advice:
“Control what you can control.”

Great. Inspirational. Poster-worthy.

But if I’m a man in 2025 trying to build a career, pay bills, be a present husband or dad, hit goals, sleep enough, drink enough water, and finish house projects… that phrase becomes cliché more than wisdom pretty quickly.

In medical school, I feel this tension daily. So much of my future is determined by systems outside my hands.

My entire life is on someone else’s Google Calendar.

Wake-up time? Not mine.
Where I’ll live next year? Not my decision.
Whether I’ll get five minutes to eat? LOL.

But this isn’t just a med-student problem.

Most men quietly live in this same tension.
We’re expected to be steady, strong, and unfazed… while having very little control over major parts of our lives.

Men in every season—students, new dads, young professionals, guys rebuilding their lives—feel the pressure of trying to create something better while carrying responsibilities they can’t fully control.

This reality can take a big toll mental health.

So it leaves us with the question:

How do I take control of my life when so much of it isn’t actually up to me?

Over time, I’ve realized there are three consistent “controllables” that can anchor me. They’re simple, daily, and available no matter the situation.

1. Control how I react to the things I can’t control

There will always be things I can’t influence—people’s opinions, unexpected stressors, circumstances I didn’t choose. But the truth remains:

My responses reveal my maturity and emotional intelligence. As a man, I need to avoid reacting quickly and instead choose thought-out responses. That doesn’t mean suppressing emotions. It means managing them.

• I take a breath before responding
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• I choose patience over panic
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• I choose self-respect over impulse
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• I choose clarity over chaos

When I stop reacting impulsively, life stops feeling like it’s happening to me, and becomes something I navigate with purpose.

2. Control how I show up every day

I can’t control every challenge life hands me. But I can control the energy I bring into those challenges.

Whether I’m showing up to work, my family, or my friendships, I can choose the attitude and presence I bring with me. My happiness can’t be dictated by the things outside my control. I have the ability to set the tone of my day.

This doesn’t mean ignoring stress or pretending hard times don’t exist. It means embracing every trial that comes and refusing to let hardships knock me off my focus, effort, integrity, or joy.

Consistency in how I show up builds my confidence, strengthens my character, and earns the respect of those around me. On the days when everything feels out of control, my attitude becomes my anchor.

3. Control where my focus goes

My focus determines the quality of my inner world. Remaining in the present moment helps me find peace and stay grounded.

It’s easy to worry about my career, finances, family, health.
It’s easy to replay mistakes.
It’s easy to create irrational scenarios.

But learning to control my focus is one of the most underrated mental health tools I have. When I’m grounded in the present, I feel in control of my anxious thoughts and who I am in the moment.

This doesn’t mean ignoring responsibilities. It means keeping my attention where my feet are.

• With family… be there
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• At work or studying… be there
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• Resting… actually rest

Life becomes more manageable when I’m living in the moment instead of dwelling on the future or past. Presence sharpens clarity, reduces stress, improves decision-making, and frees mental space to enjoy the small victories in my day I’d normally overlook.

Research Spotlight: Harvard researchers discovered that when our minds wander, we tend to feel less happy—even if we're thinking about something pleasant. Staying present, even for a moment, has a bigger impact on our well-being than we often realize (read the study).

These three controllable won’t fix every problem.

But they will make me a stronger, calmer, more grounded individual.

I may not control every part of life—but I control the man I’m becoming while I live it.
And that matters more than anything else.

Questions for This Week

Use these as journal prompts or quick self-checks:

• Where did I react today instead of respond—and what would a wiser version of me have done?
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• How did I intentionally show up today in energy, effort, and presence?
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• Where did my focus go—into the moment, or into worry, regret, or distraction?

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MH4M Marathon. 26.2 Miles. One Cause.

My buddy Blake and I are running a marathon to raise awareness for men’s mental health—and we want YOU in on it. Complete the challenge, and we’ll send you a free t-shirt. We're driving from Florida back to the midwest and stopping in every state to complete our marathon -- kind of like a fake Forest Gump run.

How to Join:

1. Run 6+ miles between Dec 19–21 (Strava it or send us the proof).
2. Be a subscriber to the MH4M newsletter.
3. Share the newsletter link on your social media.

Do all three, email us your t-shirt size, and we’ll mail it to you!

Sources

Troy, A. S., Shallcross, A. J., & Mauss, I. B. (2013). A person-by-situation approach to emotion regulation: Cognitive reappraisal can either help or hurt, depending on the context. Emotion, 13(5), 802–813. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032140​

Killingsworth, M. A., & Gilbert, D. T. (2010). A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. Science, 330(6006), 932. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.1192439​