Hey friends,

This weekend I’m in Branson, Missouri. A town lovingly known as the Mecca of early-bedtimes and bus tours. But I’m not here with the retirees. I’m here with a couple hundred college students speaking at their ministry conference. Spent a lot of time working at Kanakuk from 2014-2017 so really good to be back in the Ozarks!
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For today's newsletter I wanted to give you "meat and potatoes" of my talk for the conference. Below is last 15 minutes-ish, and are geared towards 4 pillars to grow in emotional health.

4 Pillars for Growing in Emotional Health

Emotional health is the soil where real formation actually happens. It is the traction on the tire that all other growth need to lead to effective and permanent growth. It is what stimulates our character growth, holds our relationships together, and gives us the humility to solve any conflict in our life.

What follows are four pillars that consistently show up in people who mature in emotional health.

PILLAR 1: BRING YOUR INTERIOR WORLD TO INTO THE LIGHT

The issue most of us have is.... were trained, directly or indirectly, to show our performance. Our service. Our quiet times. Our correct answers. Our right answers. Very few of us were taught how to bring Him our actual interior life.

Key Idea: God cannot heal or transform what you refuse to reveal.

One night of deep, unfiltered honesty with the Lord, where you stop editing/stop managing, can be more spiritually formative than a 4 year seminary degree. That is not an argument against training. It is a reminder that emotional growth cant be outsourced to a cognitive exercise.

If we are honest, we are all a mess. Not in a dramatic way. In a very human way. We all have "stuff" we'd prefer stays hidden. heres the truth were only as healthy as our secrets.

This mess is precisely what God invites us to bring.

David never cleaned up his emotions before praying. He did not wait until he felt faithful. He spoke honestly as he was.

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?” Psalm 13
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Psalm 22
Psalm 88 ends in darkness with no resolution, no bow on top, and no neat takeaway.

That alone should reshape how we pray and bring our "stuff" into the light.

Application:Once a week, set a ten minute timer. Journal directly to God. No filter. No fixing. No Bible-study language. Just name what you are actually feeling and experiencing.

PILLAR 2: SPEND MORE TIME WORKING ON YOUR SHAME THAN YOUR CHARISMA

Shame does not yell. It whispers.

“If people really knew, they would reject you.”
“Keep this to yourself.”
“Protect your image.”
“Handle it alone.”

Shame convinces you that hiding is wisdom. In reality, it quietly destroys intimacy. You can be surrounded by people and still feel unseen. Leaders do not usually fall loudly. They erode slowly and then the public notices and catches on.

$20 million dollar research study out of the University of Houston shows that shame needs three things to survive: secrecy, silence, and judgment. Remove just one and shame weakens. Remove all three and it loses its grip.

When shame is spoken out loud to someone who responds with empathy, it loses much of its power. Thats what $20 million dollars found out.

Scripture has been telling us this for a long time in James 5:16 -- go look it up if your intrerested.

Confession is not humiliation. It is exposure to grace.

Application:

Identify one or two safe people who know:

• The struggle you feel most ashamed of
• The pattern you keep repeating
• The part of your story you have never told

This is not a one time event. It is more like gardening. Weeds -- like shame --come back. You need to keep pulling them to have a healthy garden.

PILLAR 3: ENFORCE LIMITS

Mark 1:35 to 38
Psalm 34:8

We often confuse saying yes to everything with faithfulness.

But you cannot enjoy the life the Lord has for you when you are chronically depleted, overstimulated, and exhausted. You can serve God faithfully and completely miss enjoying Him and what Hes given you to enjoy and steward.

Look how Jesus practices these dicsiplines...

• Jesus left people unhealed to pray (Mark 1:35-37)
• Jesus disappointed people's expectations (Mark 1:38 - "Let us go... that I may preach there also")
• Jesus rested when there was still work to do (Mark 6:31 - "Come away... and rest a while")

Jesus followed the Sabbath not as a suggestion—it's a commandment (Exodus 20:8-11)

Sabbath is not a productivity hack. It is a commandment. Limits are not a weakness. They are part of God’s design.

God made you finite so you would depend on Him and actually enjoy Him.

You cannot delight in God while running on empty. Psalm 34 assumes you have enough margin to taste, see, and experience goodness. Limits are not a flaw or a character defect. They are a gift. They force trust and create space for joy.

Application:

Identify one thing you need to say no to this month.
Block one day to rest and delight, not just recover.
Pursue enjoyment with God as an act of faith.

PILLAR 4: PRACTICE REAL REST... In every area of your life.

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.” Exodus 20:8

Most of us do not truly rest. We jsut distract ourselves for periods of time then get back to our to-do list more tired.

Scrolling. Binge watching. Staying busy in different forms. That is not rest. God rested not because He was tired, but to model a rhythm His creation would need. Jesus regularly withdrew, not as an escape, but as obedience.

Biblical rest means stopping production, delighting without agenda, and trusting God with what remains undone. THis sounds so easy on paper, but it is a lot harder to practice.

Your soul needs more than sleep. You might need: Physical rest. Mental rest. Emotional rest. Social rest. Creative rest. Spiritual rest. Sensory rest.

Application:
Do something this weekend that delights you with no productivity goal: walk, read for joy, cook slowly, sit outside, or simply be present.

________

Growth does not come from trying harder. It comes from bringing your whole self into the presence of a God who already knows and still invites you closer.

Stay connected,

Zach

Clinical Therapist and Founder of Mental Health 4 Men