Quick recap: My first issue of Mental Health 4 Men went out to 3 people on May 23rd, 2025:

Me (yes, I subscribed to my own newsletter)

My wife (I asked her)

And my brother (asked him too, but not sure opened it)

Here's a picture of the first newsletter we launched 335 days ago titled: The Power of Being Present

This past week, this newsletter surpassed 1,000 subscribers!

Writing early in the morning, late at night, and jotting down notes in between clients ; I did not think it would grow like it has, and I really want to pause and say thank you for all your support.

Not only have we been able to build a platform that provides clinical tools for mental health, but also we have also started a very small financial engine to support victims of domestic violence. I would like to make that small engine a big one. One of the driving reasons for creating this content was to allow it to funnel into support for domestic violence victims. Last year we donated over $1,000, and this year, w/ your help, I would like to double or even triple that.

That is why we are launching the paid tier. Money from the paid tier will go directly to domestic violence victims. Supporting this newsletter, reading this newsletter, sharing this newsletter — and maybe running a half marathon or two for all my followers last December — really does matter and can make a difference.

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Onto todays issue of MH4M!

Since the first issue was, probably, only read by my wife I am wanting to throw it back and send you it "from the vault". A little bit revamped, for the people who weren't there for the original three-reader run.

THE POWER OF BEING PRESENT (FROM THE VAULT)

There is a difference between being somewhere and actually being there.

Most men I work with are physically present in their lives. At the dinner table, at their kid's game, in bed next to their wife.... and mentally somewhere else entirely. Replaying work, running through tomorrow's to-do list, scrolling on your phone. Technically there. Actually gone.

Presence is not a personality type. It is not something you either have or don't. It is a practice. And most men have never been taught this discipline.

While being present doesn't rank that high on attributes for a "manly" guy, it can have a pretty profound effect on how your mind works day-in and day-out.

• ​Just 10 minutes of intentional presence daily reduced depression symptoms by nearly 20% and measurably decreased anxiety.​
• ​Being present reduces amygdala reactivity: meaning you react less.
• ​Regular presence practice reduces rumination.

As a therapist I believe the men who typically resist this practice the most are usually the ones who need it most.

Ryan Holiday puts it better than I can in Stillness Is the Key:

"Stillness is not about inactivity. It's about being steady while the world spins around you."

Presence is showing up more fully. Not doing less, but being more deliberate about where your attention actually goes.

Men were taught very diligently to produce. To provide. To push through. These are virtuous. However, when a man is not taught how to actually be in a room he is shortchanging one of the most valuable things he can offer the people he loves.

Most men have one default mental health strategy. It goes like this...

1. Something hard happens — stress, grief, anxiety, conflict, failure.
2. Stuff it down.
3. Tell yourself it's not that bad.
4. Distract yourself. Work harder. Watch more. Scroll longer. Drink a little.
5. Repeat until it leaks out sideways — in anger, exhaustion, or total shutdown.
6. Blame it on something else.

This is a form of "emotionally borrowing against yourself".

The emotional debt accumulates slowly and you won't notice it at first. Eventually it shows up in the places that are most private: in how you talk to your family after a hard day, in how present you are when your kid needs you, in how you perform under pressure when it actually counts.

Ignoring it doesn't make it go away.

A Practice to work yourself out of this "debt"

You don't need a retreat. You don't need an app. You need two minutes ...

• Step 1: Name it. Before you reach for your default distraction .... pause. Ask: what am I actually feeling right now? Even if the answer is just "I'm overwhelmed" or "I have no idea." Research shows that simply labeling an emotion reduces its intensity in the brain and starts the process of regulation. Naming it starts the process of disarming it.

• Step 2: Next question to ask yourself: is this helping me or hiding me? You don't have to act on the answer. Just be honest.

• Step 3: Start a note in your phone and answer this question for 10 days in a row: "If I could tell someone what's really going on right now, I'd say..."

Don't edit it. Just finish the sentence and see what's actually there. If it feels weird, lock the note on your phone with a password.​

Take away question for the week:

What are you actually distracting yourself from when you stay this busy?

Zach

Clinical Therapist and Founder of Mental Health 4 Men

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